A shocking revelation swept the marketing world today as a new study revealed a consumer demographic more lucrative than millennials, Gen X, Gen Y and baby boomers combined. Companies with goods to sell are now setting their sights on a group the study refers to as “customers.”

The study released today by NoDuhReally Analytics found that a whopping 100 percent of customers buy things. While what these customers buy varies greatly from person to person, marketers are stunned by the revelation and are adjusting their budgets accordingly.

“Here I was focusing on millennials not knowing that some of them are actually customers,” commented a stunned April Fulles, CMO for an American retailer. “This changes everything.”


Much like consumers, NoDuhReally found that customers consist of a person or persons who a) need or want something, b) have money or credit to buy something and c) buy something. From food to housing, video games to cars, these customers, it turns out, are everywhere. Even children have been observed making such purchases as toys, candy or games.

“I can’t believe this,” said Brand A. Wareness a marketing executive who agreed to an exclusive interview with [a]listdaily. He pointed to a woman across the street paying for coffee. “There’s another one!” He let out an audible gasp and began to weep softly as our waitress brought him his credit card receipt. “I’m one, too! What does it mean?!”

While marketers are scrambling for any available data on this lucrative demographic, the study offers a bit of advice in the meantime.

“Focus your marketing campaigns on those who need or want to buy things,” the report explained. “You may not realize it, but customers are everywhere. Our research confirms that in order to eat, live somewhere and obtain transportation, this group spends money and oftentimes does so just for fun.”